Posts Tagged ‘menopausal vampire’

Publishers Weekly BookLife Review & Colorado Romance Writers Cover Contest

Monday, September 9th, 2019

 

The menopausal vampire loves getting a good review from Publishers Weekly, though she isn’t sure the reviewer actually knew the hormonal or behavioral differences between PMS and menopause, especially for this unusual vampire, who, though menopausal when BITTEN, still ain’t got no hormones–raging or otherwise. . .

 

 

THE MENOPAUSAL VAMPIRE

BITTEN: Confessions of a Menopausal Vampire Melinda Rucker Haynes’s “quirky paranormal novel introduces a snarky vampire…who never quite takes control of her life…witty as she laments her situation…Werewolves, ghosts, and riddles set up…an entertaining series.”                                Publishers Weekly BookLife/August 2019

 

If you want to have some BITTEN fun, click HERE to vote for the fantastic cover in the Colorado Romance Writers Cover Contest. Scroll down to PARANORMAL and click on BITTEN. Apparently, both Melinda K Haynes and Melinda Rucker Haynes wrote and submitted this women’s fantasy. . .

The Menopausal Vampire’s Breakfast Drink Recipe

Monday, July 15th, 2019

I’ve been getting lots of email with questions about Bitten: Confessions of a Menopausal Vampire. People want to know if I have personal experience with the “issues” of Kristen Ottiosman the Menopausal Vampire. Maybe. Here and there. Am I a blood sucker? Don’t think so. Kristen would say–“I don’t do that anymore!” I say–“I never have been a blood sucker, menopausal, yes, but not the other thing–I’d remember that.”

Many readers seem to think Kristen’s lifestyle choices are either too bizarre or too cool, the Menopausal Vampire’s dietary, make that drinking, habits landing in the cool column. They are particularly interested in her morning beverage of Dirty Shamus and have asked for the recipe. So here it is.

Menopausal Vampire’s Breakfast Drink

Dirty Shamus Breakfast Drink Recipe:

1 large bottle of Irish Crème Liquor

1 bottle Bailey’s Salted Caramel Liquor

Brewed Dark Roast Coffee

Directions: Pour both bottles of Irish Crème and Bailey’s Salted Caramel into a decanter to make Dirty Shamus. Fill a big coffee cup with Dirty Shamus and add coffee to taste.

Mmmmmmmmmmelinda

 

BITTEN: Confessions of a Menopausal Vampire Chosen for Publishers Weekly BookLife “Best First Line”

Wednesday, May 29th, 2019

From: May 27, 2019 Publishers Weekly BookLife

Section: First Lines–A monthly look at some of the best first lines by BookLife authors.

 

 

BITTEN: Confessions of a Menopausal Vampire

MELINDA RUCKER HAYNES

BookLife Best First Line from BITTEN:  “Waking up alone was no surprise.”

 

 

Undead in Seattle. Kristen’s fiancé Rick turns into Houdini and pulls a disappearing act. Now years later her husband deserts her for a younger woman. Disgusted with life itself, menopausal to boot, she doesn’t know what to do when Rick turns up—still young and handsome. Against her better judgment, but with her hormones going haywire, she accepts a date, and finds herself waking up in the morgue as an illegally made vampire.

Rick must hide his mistake or everyone dies. But Kristen refuses to go quietly undead into the dark, because her age, lack of estrogen and other physical and mental anomalies make her a very unusual powerful vampire with none of the limitations. And she has a bucket list a mile long of people who have done her wrong, and an eternity for payback.

Get BITTEN at Amazon.com and other online retailers.

Shocking Interview with the Menopausal Vampire

Thursday, March 28th, 2019

The Menopausal Vampire was interviewed on her birth/undeath day March 13, 2019 by the wonderful fantasy romance author Mary Morgan. I’ve taken the liberty of further interviewing the Menopausal Vampire, post book debut, for clarification. Her responses to my questions are in parentheses and are unedited, straight from the Menopausal Vampire’s smart mouth.

 

MaryM:     What is your full name?

Kristen: Kristen Nielsen Ottiosman. (I’d like to explain the odd last name as my creator, Melinda Rucker Haynes, not my Maker, couldn’t make up her mind about my ex-husband’s last name. To her mind, a character’s name is symbolic of the character’s inner landscape or soul. I don’t know about that, but what I really believe is that she’s inflicted me with men, or her words–composite character types, she’s known. So she made up the name from the word OTIOSE: futile, ineffectual, useless. Gotta say that word really describes Billy Ottiosman, my soon-to-be ex-husband.)

MaryM:   What is one word that best describes you?

Kristen: Undead/Menopausal (Pretty much the same thing, IMO.)

MaryM:      Do you think the author portrayed you accurately? If not, please explain why.

Kristen: She thinks so, and I find that hilarious. (I think she’s really writing about herself–HA!)

MaryM:      What makes you laugh out loud?

Kristen:  A certain former love-of-my-life, now international corporate vampire, who thinks he can fly back into my life, buy me dinner then suck me dry and dump my body at the morgue. He is so not enjoying what I’m becoming. Payback is a bitch for those on the receiving end. And getting payback is my reason for living, or un-living, these days.

MaryM:  What makes you angry?

Kristen: See Number Four above.

MaryM: What is your favorite drink?

Kristen: It’s sure not the Red Juicy anymore. In fact, I’ve gotten kind of phobic. My favorite drink lately is anything liquid alcoholic. Dirty Shamus Irish Cream in great coffee is more than just my breakfast drink—I am a Seattleite, after all. (Mmmmelinda says she’s going to do a video on how to make Dirty Shamus. Should be fun!)

MaryM: What is your greatest fear?

Kristen: I’ll have to think about that one. . .I’m afraid my vampire powers will disappear before I can really enjoy them. At the rate they’re changing, or growing, seems sardonic that they could just disappear one day like my former lover who now claims he’s my master.

MaryM: What do you wear when you go to sleep at night?

Kristen: My dancing-cat-patterned flannel pajamas. Old habits die hard, even in undeath.

MaryM: What is the perfect romantic date?

Kristen: My perfect romantic date is one that I actually have and after which I’m not left for dead at the morgue.

MaryM: When you look at your master Rick what catches your interest?

Kristen: He’s so beautiful, handsome, sexy and undead. Unfortunately, he wants me really dead. I don’t know that we can ever work that out.

MaryM: What is one word that best describes Master Rick?

Kristen: I cannot say that here.

MaryM: Is your book part of a series?

Kristen: Now that I’m undead the confessions will be ongoing if my lust for payback is any indication.

 

MMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmelinda: Check back for my how-to video on making Dirty Shamus Irish Crème and more inside info on the Menopausal Vampire’s latest atrocious frolics. Oh, she also tells me she wants to take questions from her readers and that she is willing to tell their fortunes. Groan. You may email Mmmmmmelinda with your questions for the Menopausal Vampire.