Posts Tagged ‘super-powers’

Shocking Interview with the Menopausal Vampire

Thursday, March 28th, 2019

The Menopausal Vampire was interviewed on her birth/undeath day March 13, 2019 by the wonderful fantasy romance author Mary Morgan. I’ve taken the liberty of further interviewing the Menopausal Vampire, post book debut, for clarification. Her responses to my questions are in parentheses and are unedited, straight from the Menopausal Vampire’s smart mouth.

 

MaryM:     What is your full name?

Kristen: Kristen Nielsen Ottiosman. (I’d like to explain the odd last name as my creator, Melinda Rucker Haynes, not my Maker, couldn’t make up her mind about my ex-husband’s last name. To her mind, a character’s name is symbolic of the character’s inner landscape or soul. I don’t know about that, but what I really believe is that she’s inflicted me with men, or her words–composite character types, she’s known. So she made up the name from the word OTIOSE: futile, ineffectual, useless. Gotta say that word really describes Billy Ottiosman, my soon-to-be ex-husband.)

MaryM:   What is one word that best describes you?

Kristen: Undead/Menopausal (Pretty much the same thing, IMO.)

MaryM:      Do you think the author portrayed you accurately? If not, please explain why.

Kristen: She thinks so, and I find that hilarious. (I think she’s really writing about herself–HA!)

MaryM:      What makes you laugh out loud?

Kristen:  A certain former love-of-my-life, now international corporate vampire, who thinks he can fly back into my life, buy me dinner then suck me dry and dump my body at the morgue. He is so not enjoying what I’m becoming. Payback is a bitch for those on the receiving end. And getting payback is my reason for living, or un-living, these days.

MaryM:  What makes you angry?

Kristen: See Number Four above.

MaryM: What is your favorite drink?

Kristen: It’s sure not the Red Juicy anymore. In fact, I’ve gotten kind of phobic. My favorite drink lately is anything liquid alcoholic. Dirty Shamus Irish Cream in great coffee is more than just my breakfast drink—I am a Seattleite, after all. (Mmmmelinda says she’s going to do a video on how to make Dirty Shamus. Should be fun!)

MaryM: What is your greatest fear?

Kristen: I’ll have to think about that one. . .I’m afraid my vampire powers will disappear before I can really enjoy them. At the rate they’re changing, or growing, seems sardonic that they could just disappear one day like my former lover who now claims he’s my master.

MaryM: What do you wear when you go to sleep at night?

Kristen: My dancing-cat-patterned flannel pajamas. Old habits die hard, even in undeath.

MaryM: What is the perfect romantic date?

Kristen: My perfect romantic date is one that I actually have and after which I’m not left for dead at the morgue.

MaryM: When you look at your master Rick what catches your interest?

Kristen: He’s so beautiful, handsome, sexy and undead. Unfortunately, he wants me really dead. I don’t know that we can ever work that out.

MaryM: What is one word that best describes Master Rick?

Kristen: I cannot say that here.

MaryM: Is your book part of a series?

Kristen: Now that I’m undead the confessions will be ongoing if my lust for payback is any indication.

 

MMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmelinda: Check back for my how-to video on making Dirty Shamus Irish Crème and more inside info on the Menopausal Vampire’s latest atrocious frolics. Oh, she also tells me she wants to take questions from her readers and that she is willing to tell their fortunes. Groan. You may email Mmmmmmelinda with your questions for the Menopausal Vampire.